Sunday, February 1, 2009

B-Fest 2009, Part Two

5:00 AM
Felix E. Feist 1953 | Sci-Fi

Mean millionaire gets into plane crash, takes over body of nice doctor, forces him to buy expensive suits and smoke fancy cigars. Oh, and kill people.

6:30 AM
William Castle 1959 | Horror

Vincent Price was truly a great actor, because he made this interesting.

8:00 AM
Edward Dmytryk 1943 | Horror

This wasn't the worst movie ever (even though it was made by that rat-fink HUAC collaborator Dmytryk), but most of the people in my group didn't like the racial aspects of the gorilla-girl part of the plot, and nobody liked the scenes of the lion and tiger fighting. The fur actually flew.

It was fun to see this with our friend Margaret the vet, though. "Wait, he's saying that transplanting glands from one animal to another means you can change that animal's appearance and size? And now he's transfusing gorilla blood into a human? What?"

9:10 AM

I think this was the Japanese musical with the all-female cast that ripped off Show Boat and a Gene Kelly number and had various other surreal things about it, including a blue bird the size of a three-story building, girls in cages, and Japanese Rockettes.

9:30 AM
Sam Firstenberg 1987 | Action

Greg's verdict: "Confrontastic!"

11:10 AM
Sam Newfield 1938 | Action

An all-midget Western with musical numbers. No, really. (Actually, I noticed some dwarfs too.)
My mom saw this late one night and described it to me and my dad, and we told her she was hallucinating and should knock it off with the sleeping pills. Then she found the listing in TV Guide (no Internet back then) and made us apologize.

As one might expect, the musical numbers were shrill.

I still have no idea what the penguin was doing in the barbershop. Can someone help me with this? No, I wasn't hallucinating . . . although I had eaten an entire bag of potato chips by then.

12:20 PM

This was an urelentingly pretentious black-and-white montage that caused Natalie to yell "I can't TAKE it anymore!", kick the seat in front of her, and pull her blanket over her head. So, yeah, it was worth watching just for that.

Oh, and it was dedicated to Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton and contained the words DEATH . . . BREATH . . . DEATH . . . BREATH. And it showed Marilyn Monroe crying. Can someone help me find this, so I know who's to blame?

12:45 PM

Anthony M. Lanza 1971 | Horror

Greg felt this should have been shown (if at all) around 3 AM because it was "too rapey." The only female character (Smurfette, basically) does not actually get raped, but she nearly gets raped on about five different occasions. So that was no fun to watch.

Poor Bruce Dern, starring in schlock like this. Maybe he had a mortgage.

It was fun to see Casey Kasem play the brother of a blond Nordic type. Sure, why not?

Kasem's outfits were highlights of the film.

Hal Needham 1982 | Sci-Fi

Wow. The main character is named Ace Hunter and wears a spandex jumpsuit, a headband, and guyliner. Also, it has the guy from Xanadu and The Warriors. I may need to buy this. It caused Natalie and I and several strangers to burst into the theme song from The Greatest American Hero.

Unfortunately, this movie also has a Smurfette. She kisses her thumb and then gives a thumbs-up to Ace. And then she waves her thumb in the air. That never caught on, I guess.

4:30 PM
Jun Fukuda 1973 | Sci-Fi

I've been complaining about movies that have only one female character. So of course I loved this movie, which had NO female characters. And it had so much dangerous driving in classic cars that I was expecting Ronny Howard to show up.

Megalon travels by pointing his flippery rock-studded arm-things downward and jumping. This caused the entire audience to yell "Wheeeeeeeeee!"


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